Totally agree. Really in some ways John himself doesn’t matter. He can’t do any more harm or good for Dean and Sam. So Dean in that scene I think was just trying to force himself OUT of that mindset and he had to be cruel to do it. He had to say “I didn’t deserve it” because for all those years he’d felt like he DID deserve it, like he was responsible for it. I think it was less about blaming John and more about not blaming himself, saying “Dad screwed up, why should I keep trying to pay for something he did” on some subconscious level. It’s not like Dean has ever been one to fob off his own responsibilities, so it’s not like he’s being a crybaby blaming someone else for his problems. He’s just trying to stop taking responsibility for someone else’s problems. Hopefully. I guess we’ll see what comes of it in future episodes.

Your points about John are all very good. Trouble is, I tend to sit on the fence because John’s such an ambiguous character to me, I’m at my wits end trying to make up my mind about him. There might be several reasons for this. First, we have very little to go on in canon giving us John’s viewpoint. Like, very little exposition from him about how he thinks, with the rare exception (Dead Man’s Blood, when he told Sam about keeping him safe, and In My Time of Dying, when he apologized to Dean). Second, fanfiction is all over the map with him, and I read as much as I can. Some make him out to be a caring and loving and attentive dad. Others make him out to be a tyrant and a narrowminded bully with tunnel vision. I think the truth is somewhere between the two.

I personally would like to think that if The Dad ever did take a look at what he was doing to Dean, he would have done something different. But your point here is so good (that yeah The Dad looked and saw and apologized, but then turned around and put MORE on Dean) that I’m forced to realize that even if he looks (which he did - knowing he should NOT have done that to Dean all those years), he won’t change. “Here son, here’s an impossible task. If you can’t succeed, kill your brother.” Say what? Oh man, I love John, but he sure makes my head spin.

And Dean, being raised like that, no matter what The Dad says or does (soul sacrifice), he’s going to KNOW in his heart that the reason was because of Sam, saving or helping or killing Sam. Still, the scene was more about how Dean felt than what The Dad did. Right? Because Dean was finally coming to the point where he didn’t want to feel the way The Dad made him feel all those years. His perception of himself (and the situation) was so onesided up to that point, it was time to change. What made him change? I think, personally, getting close to the point of really loosing Sam, of leaving Sam behind (still looking out for baby brother), was too much for him.

Someone has said to me, you know, it’s all the YED’s fault. No one else is to blame. And while I believe that’s true, I think that adversity tries people, and it’s what you do in a calamity that shows your true colors. John did very well keeping his little boys alive, and surviving, and doing good by saving people, hunting things. But the cost was So high, so very high.

I hate to say it but in some ways “John” is reaping what he sowed here with Dean. 20+ years of sowing it and one action, no matter how apparently grand and sweeping(said soul selling) is going to be able to erase all that damage. Sure John sold his soul, but given Dean’s viewpoint, a viewpoint he’s got because it was imbued into him by John, whether John meant it or not, it’s quite easy for me to see why Dean would not believe John did it FOR HIM but simply because he was Dad’s most useful “instrument” at the time. John knew well he couldn’t work with Sam, they just have those sorts of personality and Sam at a certain level doesn’t trust him. John’s best bet on “saving Sam” was to leave it to Dean and on top of it he also asked Dean, whom he’d always told to put Sam first, to kill him if DEAN did not succeed in saving him. So he’s basically, again whether he meant to or not, putting the potential failure on Dean’s shoulders. He apologizes in one breath for what he did to him and then in the next does it 20 fold.

And the reason Dean can feel that John didn’t do it because he loved him is because of the 20+ years of what was really emotional neglect prior to that. Don’t forget only a few months earlier Dean was also dying and Dad couldn’t even be bothered to give him a call. Imagine how that would feel? John didn’t even apologize for it when he was called on it in Salvation, he just said Dean was right that they wouldn’t have gotten in touch with him(not that he should have called) and that he didn’t like Dean’s tone.

Now on the other hand, when it’s got something to do with Sam, suddenly Dad can sell his soul for him? Hmmm…so while I believe John did it for Dean, it’s really very logical in it’s own way that Dean could believe otherwise. The message he’d gotten for 20 years before that was that he wasn’t the important one, he wasn’t the one who mattered. Sam mattered, getting revent for his mother mattered, the fight mattered. The message he got was he was there to do a job, to be a soldier, to be an instrument of war. When you get that message from the ages he did, so very young, that can seriously screw a person’s mind up, their whole view of their place in the world is entirely skewed. They feel like they are nothing, worthless, empty inside, just like Dean’s Dream self said. The writers, about whom I have many complaints(mainly spelled B.E.L.A.), actually got his just very right I think.

I’m wondering what they’re going to do with this and whether Sam will finally have his say.