Dig that Jared guy. He could sway me to be a Sam girl if I wasn’t already so devoted to Dean, and he doesn’t even know it! Here’s a post about my visit to Vancouver, and my supernatural encounters.

So here we go. I went up to Vancouver with some friends to do the whole fangirl sightseeing thing. We couldn’t get inside the studio for a tour, of course, but we did have an inside track on locations, so that’s what we did. I had taken a map and marked out all the locations so that we could go see them in bunches without racing all over town and that worked out pretty good. I think my favorite filming location site was the scene from Croatoan, where Dean tells Sam that if he can’t save him, he’s going to have to kill him. First, I liked it because that’s a way cool scene, and it always seems overwhelming the way Dean’s been carrying around that particular secret for so long and how hard it must have been to finally decide to share it. Second, the location is so bucolic and lovely, I could have stayed there all day. And third, I got to park my butt where Sam parked his, and it just doesn’t get any better than that. As you can imagine, we did a lot of posing to capture and relive that scene.

I also enjoyed the 2400 Motel on Kingsway because the place was so retro, and also because the episode it was in had to do with Weechesters, who I adore (Something Wicked). The trestle bridge from Salvation was amazing and stark and so atmospheric, my hat’s off to the location scouts who found this gem. The setting for Devil’s Trap on Sunset Beach was a lot of fun too, even though it took longer to find everything because we were at the end of the beach. (We never did find the right alley for the fight scene, even though we looked and looked!) We found everything we could, the airport scene, George’s Taverna, the creepy park in Skin, and we wore ourselves out! One happy accident was the motel in Hell House, which we passed by the first time, pointing at the coffee shop shaped like a tee pee. Then we went back and walked around, it really was a nice little place.

The piece de resistance was, however, the finding of the crossroads. We were led right to it, and though it’s just an empty crossing of two roads, it still was pretty special. To me, the spot represented Dean’s desperation to save his family. The first time he goes there, he resists making a deal for Dad. The second time…well, there’s nothing he would not do for brother Sam. We also got to see the place where the Impala got hit by the semi, and hear about the way they had to film that. The complex set up meant that this scene was a “one-er,” which means they had to get it right the first time. We saw where the roadhouse was, where the Y.E.D. had Jake rip up the tracks, and where the church from Route 666 was, which was way cool, because one of my favorite scenes is the one where Dean waits for the monster truck to come at him.

So, all of that aside, one of my main goals was to meet the boys and give them presents and say how much I liked the show. I’m never as cool as I want to be, but the evening went something like this.

We went downtown Vancouver and parked in a parking garage, as instructed, off of Seymore, because the boys would be filming there. We walked around the corner, and there they were, filming out of a bar dressed up to be a different bar called The Spider (which is right down the street from Malone’s Bar and Grill, which is from Shadow). I could see the top of their heads only and was amazed at the speed at which the lighting and camera guys set everything up and then took it down again. Then they moved everything into a cul de sac in an alley. I had the fun task of watching the boys run up a smoky alley in the next scene, and then, though I couldn’t see the other bit of filming, I could hear Sam and Dean arguing. They had rescued some girl and were supposed to chase after the bad guy, but being brothers, they had to argue about it.

I met up with some fellow fangirls at this point and we had a good time watching and listening and trying not to make a sound. They were all snapping pictures, but they had digital cameras and could turn off their flashes. Apparently, you can’t take flash photography while they are filming, or even if they are not, so my old-fashioned film camera was of no use to me. Then, when they moved the filming into a third alley, I invited the fangirls to join me and my friends in the parking garage, which overlooked the alley. (This was an inside tip from someone to whom I will be forever grateful.) From the second level we could see everything, and I mean everything.

The first thing they filmed was Dean and Sam running around the corner. They had to come up to the camera and stop at a certain point, looking worried. They practiced this a good bit and I enjoyed the anticipation of seeing the actors come around the corner as Dean and Sam. You know, running like they do, full out and very intent on their goal. The alley was smoky (thanks to the smoke artists), and while I would feel silly doing what the boys were doing (staring into the camera, which was very close to their faces), they seemed quite at ease. Then they filmed it, got it in two takes (I think), and the team moved the cameras for the second scene. (There was also a lot of set dressing going on, with one guy dumping leaves on the ground, and another constantly spraying the pavement to make it nice and dark and glistening. I want his job!)

This scene was a stunt. There were two blue cars parked in the alley, an alley that smelled like urine and old garbage and who knows what all (I had a good time thinking that this smell was probably very familiar to both the actors and Sam and Dean). The stunt team set up some matting against the bumpers and a large thick pad on the ground. The boys practiced running and leaping and falling on the pads, and they looked like they were having some fun with it. Jared, in particular, would leap spread-eagled and then curl up at the last minute just for fun, while Jensen was more matter-of fact about it, concentrating on the work at hand. Then they shot that scene.

 

The next scene involved them going behind the cars while spattering glass was thrown at them to give the effect of them being shot at. Jensen was entirely silent through this, though I could hear Jared making noises to indicate the effort that Sam was putting into this. It was an interesting difference to see, and perhaps how the boys do their characters, I don’t know. They had to film that one again, because the first time, the director said it looked like the boys were being pelted with rice having just gotten married.

Then they ran the scene again with dialog. Here is where it got a little more interesting. Jensen went first, with Jared following him, and at the end of the bit where they went behind the car, they plastered themselves to a brick wall that was protecting them from being seen. Now that there was dialog I could see more of Jensen as Dean. He flung himself against the wall and did that wide-eyed sideways stare that Dean does. He’s full on concentrating at this point, trying to figure out what to do. Then he turns to Sam and says something about going ahead, while Sam should stay behind. Typical, huh? Then Sam protests, loudly, says Dean’s name at the end of this, and Dean goes off anyway. The actors practiced this a few times, and then they shot it. Interestingly, Jared didn’t manage to get Dean’s name in when they shot it, so I’m wondering if they’ll add that later. It was so fun to see this up close and personal! I was amazed at how quickly they did it all, from moving the gear to shooting the scene. They had a lot to get through and I imagine they’ve got a lot of practice at it.

Then, while they were setting up the stunt to have bullets taking out car windows, one of the people down below looked up at us and asked us what our favorite episode was. I’m sorry I don’t know who it was who asked that question, but I said, “Heart.” He nodded, and then asked, “Is that the werewolf one?” I said yes, and then he said, “Well, here’s the guy who directed it, why don’t you tell him why you liked it.” He was pointing at Kim Manners, who I had not recognized. So he poked Manners, and said something along the lines of, there’s a woman up there who loved Heart and she’s going to tell you why. So Manners looks up at me and asks, “Why did you like the episode?” So I said, “Well, it was the ending scene. You know that part where you don’t have the camera follow Sam into that room, but instead stay on Dean? Well, that raised the tension to incredible levels. It was brilliant!” Manners seemed rather pleased at this, and agreed that the tension was raised very high, but the people around him started making a little fun of him, saying “Brilliant!” and clapping their hands. (That seemed true all evening, if we gave someone a compliment, their fellows made fun of them for it.) I was rather pleased to be able to tell just the right person why I thought that episode was so great.

Then the crew made us stand back from the edge of the railing because the stunt involved flying glass bits and we might get hit. I couldn’t imagine that happening, besides which, the directors and everyone else was standing much closer than we were. (The stunt guys had glass masks on for protection.) Still, we didn’t want to get kicked out of there, so we backed up while they did that stunt. Then they had us move up a floor because they needed the second floor for the stunt where Jensen jumps on a car and uses it to scale the wall as he ducks over the railing and goes into the second level. That was totally fun to watch, cause Jensen made it look easy.

At one point, they announced, that’s it, say goodnight to Jared! People clapped a bit, shook Jared’s hand, and off we raced down the stairs to greet him on his way out. We managed it, giggling and carrying all those presents! The security saw us standing by the bottom of the stairs, and waved us in closer, which was nice of them. I remember standing there in the lights of the alley and the brighter lights set up for filming. And then, bam, around the corner comes Sam. I say it was Sam at this point because he was just coming off the set and, well, he looked like Sam. Tall, okay. Tall and graceful, and smiling. I was stunned. I’m not a Sam girl, but this guy was amazing. Then he said, “Hello!” and turned into Jared. We handed him our presents (bags and bags of them), and he said, “What’s this for, it’s not my birthday?” And I said, “It’s because you’re such a great actor, and you have such stamina.” He seemed pleased at this, said “Thank you!” and took the bags. Then he asked, “You want me to open these now?” I mean really, how polite is that? He wanted to know if we wanted to watch him do this. I said, “No, you can open those at your leisure,” cause it almost midnight and I didn’t have the heart to make him open all of that. Then Robin asked if we could have some pictures and he said sure.

Robin went first. I remember watching him take her in his arms (those long, strong arms of his), and we took pictures of her. Then Jared decided the light would be better if they turned the other direction, and so he gently turned her around, and we took some more pictures. Then it was my turn. Oh boy. He was talking about one of his dogs who had gotten together with a raccoon the night before, and then he looks at me and says, “Get on in here!” He held open his arms and nodded, and I went to stand at his side. Then, okay, he takes one of those long, strong arms and wraps it around my waist. Tight. My friends start taking pictures, and then I thought they were done, so I pulled away. And Jared goes, “Hey, don’t go anywhere, they’re not done yet.” So he tightened his grip and pulled me even closer. I think I was so nervous, I patted his tummy. (Which I should not have done! But his body, I must say, was as solid as a tree trunk. Or a brick pillar. I could tell he worked out and often too. Just rock solid all up and down.) Then we were done and he let me go.

I said thank you, he said no problem, and Robin started taking pictures of Mary. As pictures were being taken, I remember watching his eyes. I’ve never seen eyes like that before. His face was so handsome and strong, and while that smile (which I love) seemed familiar, those eyes, so wide and shining and green, were like a strange and new magnetic attraction. I tried not to stare, I really did, but it was hard. Like I said, if any moment could make me a Sam girl, that one could. And you know, he looked right back at me. Not like someone trying to avoid looking at you, but looking back, with frankness and politeness, and happy to do so. He will go far, that one. (There was also a conversation about the season premiere on October 4th, which Jared wanted to know if we’d be watching. We all assured him, quite truthfully, that we would be there. Then he told us that he and Jensen had some time off to watch it, and that he was looking forward to that.)

Then we went back up to watch part of the stunt with Jensen. Then he too was finished, and we raced back down the stairs to catch him on his way out. The security guys who had been there before weren’t there, but there was a woman who wouldn’t let us stand where we had stood before. This was on account of them taking stuff down and needing the walkway. It also meant that we were standing in the shadows of the alley, and so when Jensen came around the corner, he didn’t quite see us at first. (It was way cool to see Dean’s silhouette there, because like Jared, Jensen was Dean to me for that first moment. It’s a very good memory, that one, meeting up with Dean in an alley.) Then he said “Hey, there.”

He came over to us, as we were suddenly stunned into shyness, and started introducing himself. Like we didn’t know who he was, right, but it was sure a nice icebreaker. He goes, “Hello, I’m Jensen, it’s nice to meet you.” So he shakes each of our hands and we each tell him our name, as in, “Hello, my name is….” His hand was warm and broad and strong, and I have small hands, so I felt rather dainty and stuff when he did that. He did that to each of us, and there were five women. Then we handed him our presents.  He said the same thing that Jared did, “Why am I getting these, it’s not my birthday!”

So okay, here I go, right? I’ve got my little speech all in my head, that I’ve been practicing for weeks now. I start talking, and I can’t stop. Here is how it went. (The other fangirls, bless them, let me have the moment.)

I said something like, “I need to tell you something, because the last time I saw you I shook your hand and couldn’t think of a thing to say, so I have a little speech that I’ve been practicing.” Jensen laughed at this, and turned to his bodyguard as if to say, “Yeah, sure, she can’t think of a thing to say!” Then I continue. “First, you’re a great actor.” Jensen said, “Thank you.” He’s smiling like the whole thing is very funny and I can’t say that I blame him, because when I’m babbling, I’m pretty hysterical.

I go on, “Second, I love the character of Dean. He’s so multifaceted and you do such a great job with him, I love watching him week after week.” Again, Jensen says, “Thank you,” but I got the feeling he was just waiting for me to be finished. Then I said, “Do you remember doing that play you did in Texas? A Few Good Men at Casa Manana?” He said, scratching his head, “Oh, you went to that?” He’s not smiling at this point, but he’s listening more carefully now. “Yes,” I replied. Then I said, “Do you remember the standing ovation you got at the end of the Saturday matinee?” Then you could hear it in his voice as he said, “Oh, yes, I remember that.” His voice had more feeling to it at that point, and I could tell he really related to that memory because for him that was a brilliant success of his first live stage performance. This gave me some hope that he was actually going to listen to what I had to say, and hear it for what it was.

I know it was late, and I’m sure he was tired, but according to my companions, I had his full on attention so I said, “Your face was so full of joy, it was beaming from you, and I could tell how much you enjoyed that moment.” He said something like, yeah I did, or yeah, that’s right, and I went on. “I went home after that and decided that I wanted to be that full of joy. I wanted to be that happy. So I started writing again and have been writing ever since.” He had this look on his face, like he couldn’t really understand what I was saying. Or that it was still sinking in or something. So I finished up with, “You never know how what you do will affect someone else, so I just wanted you to know.” Then he said something like, “thank you, that’s really nice of you to say,” but I really don’t know exactly what he said because at that point, I was all out of juice.

So we started taking pictures. Again Robin went first, and he was very nice about it, letting us take more than one. And then it was my turn. I went to stand beside him, as I had done with Jared, and he put his arm around me, like Jared did. But he was more gingerly about it, as if my little speech had somewhat freaked him out. He was nice enough, don’t get me wrong, and it was late and he’d just been working six hours. But there was a little wall there where there had not been with Jared. And heck, they are two different people with different approaches to life and he did stop and chat with us and take the presents and let us take pictures, so, I am really very very appreciative. So I get that first picture taken with Jensen, and then, I asked him, “Could you be Dean in the second picture?” (I just hope to heaven I didn’t pat his tummy, but I don’t remember.) He said, brightly, “Sure! Dean frowns a lot doesn’t he.” And I said, “Yeah, he does.” This made me laugh because I though it was really cool that Jensen understood this. I mean, sure he knows what to do to be Dean, but it was nice that he could communicate that to me, and understand the quintessential bit of Dean that I was looking for in that picture. Then I said thank you, he said something like no problem, and I stepped away to let the next person have their pictures taken.

I remember watching him, watching his eyes, the glinty silver against the green of them, and the sweet smile lines he had, and the powerful way he stood there. He’s so beautiful, his face so sculpted, I will never properly be able to get over that. The Deanish haircut he’s currently got contrasts nicely with the beauty of his face, throwing those lush lips into focus. He could make his face do a million things just standing there, looking nice for the camera and pictures that fans were taking that he would never see. And the somewhat cooler approach he had to interacting with fans, the more at-arm’s-length way he did things. I figure he must get people wanting things from him all the time, so I can’t say that I blame him. He was nice and polite and tired, and we waved him off so he could go home and get some rest. I remember at the end there that he looked at me, just for a second just to catch my eye in an I-see-you-there sort of way, and I thought to myself, well, that’s that. I’ve had my day and I’ve had my say and the little speech that I carried around for so long has been delivered and so now what?

What do I do now? I’m sure part of all this emptiness I’m feeling is some sort of post-climactic let down. That, and my understandably unfulfilled expectation that anything would follow from it. Which makes me ask myself, just what exactly was I expecting there? Did I really expect Jensen to say anything more than he did? Did I really think he would pull me off for a private chat to tell me that what I just told him was the most moving thing he’d ever heard? I’m seriously out of my mind if I thought that my speech would move him in any way beyond that moment. Because that’s all it was, a moment. And moments have a way of slipping past you at the speed of sound.

It’s not like all of my hopes and dreams were pinned on that night, on that exchange, either. Between my first meeting with Jensen in Texas and the night of the 28th in Vancouver, a lot has happened, and I’ve been quite busy. I went on several road trips, which were quite fun, and I got laid off from work, which was not. My company got bought out by another company, and my position was eliminated. I’m a technical writer by trade and with the local market the way it is, I’m not overly worried about finding a job. But in the meantime, with all that time on my hands, I started a blog and started getting involved in online fandom. I guess I had even more time than I thought on my hands, enough to blow my expectations way out of proportion like I did. But to where? I’m not exactly sure about that, but I do know that it’s taking me several days to decompress from the whole experience. This too shall pass, as they say, but I am still left with a question: Why did it matter so much for me to say what I did? Why did I need Jensen to hear it? In my original post about this issue, I asked myself the same question. I was worried then about not having got my message across, and now that I have, what difference has it made?

I do believe that you should take the opportunity when you have it to say what you want to say, because you always regret what you don’t do. Thankfully, the regret I felt from the first encounter has now been taken care of by the second encounter, so that’s done. I also believe in letting people know how they affect you, if you can, because sometimes the feedback people usually get is limited to “oh, I loved this,” and the artists, actors, and writers never know why or how you loved it. So I like to tell them. Jensen’s joy took a weird little turn in my brain straight into a rekindling of my passion and desire for writing. So I guess when someone changes your life, you want to let them know. Yeah, sure, my dream of a lunch or dinner date with Mr. Ackles is as far away as Mars, but I can still dream it. In the meantime, yeah, I told him what I wanted to tell him, and he knows, even if maybe he doesn’t quite understand it. And now? Now, I can write. I can move on. If I will let myself. I think it might take me a couple of days to get my internal self-sufficient engine going, so I’m going to give myself that time. (Except Thursday night is the premiere of the third season of Supernatural and I’ve got a review to do – but for some reason, I can’t seem to hook up my VCR to tape it! And I need that tape to go back and watch it again to make my review the best it can be.)

In two weeks, I’m off to L.A. for the Winchester Con, which is a fan run event for fans. I am looking forward to immersing myself in Supernatural for a whole weekend from the fan side of things. No actors. No anxiety. No speech burning in my brain just waiting to be delivered. I can sit and talk about Sam and Dean and be a fangirl and squee and drink beer and let my heart burst over the loveliness of it all. It’s more comfortable for me in that respect because I have no worries about getting my message across, and that’s because it’s the same message that every fangirl seems to have, and that’s how much they love the Sam and Dean. As do I.