Writing From the Inside

Demons Made Me Spill My Guts Like a Girl by merrin.

Slash.

This is a dark, dark fic, too dark, in fact, going all AU and impossible on me. Yet the writing was teriffic so I read the whole thing, shaking my head, not liking the premise, but liking the story and the result, if you see what I mean. So I get to this excerpt and I’m like, yeah. It’s like that.

”

“Damn it, Sam. I remember what it said, okay? I remember saying it. You’re doing this because you think I want it and I want you to stop. I don’t need this.”

But the thing is, Sam knows Dean, sometimes better than Dean knows himself. And even though some things have changed and there are secrets in Dean’s eyes he’s never seen before and can only guess at the truth of, he knows this. He knows that Dean wants it, even needs it as much as he does, and he plays the one card that always gets them what they both need.

“I do,” Sam says, and Dean’s resistance crumbles like Sam is the Big Bad Wolf and Dean is the house of straw and that’s how Sam finds out Dean kisses like he’s dying, or like he’s being reborn, like he’ll never need to breathe again. Dean’s hands are on his face and his mouth is open, pressed against Sam’s. He’s making the softest, neediest noises that Sam would be duty-bound to give him crap for if he wasn’t making the same noises himself and even if it’s nothing he ever thought of before, it’s everything he’s always wanted.

Make the Yueltide Gay by nomelon

Slash.

If anything is enough to turn me off a story, the title to this one is. Yeah, gay has been taken over as to mean something entirely different from when it was used as a lyric in a song. But, since this story was rec’d to me by a writer I respect (plutogirl10), I’m game. So I read it. Fell in love. You will too.  

An excerpt:

He looks Sam right in the eye as he makes the first swipe. Sam knows that look. It’s the one from when Dean’s playing pool and has given up any pretence of not being a total shark. It’s that moment where he lines up a shot then doesn’t even look when he takes it, preferring to look his opponent in the eyes and give him both barrels of the patented Dean Winchester cocky bastard grin of doom. Sam knows that Dean stole the move from watching Tom Cruise in The Color of Money, although wild horses couldn’t drag that admission out of Dean. He also knows how good Dean is at pool. That every shot he takes, he knows exactly where the balls are going to end up, that his showboating comes from endless misspent summer days during their formative years, and that Dean never, ever misses. So he just sits still and trusts his brother not to make him look like a lopsided idiot. Dean’s grin softens, and when he does the other side, he pays a little more attention.

Lament of Lost Souls by plutogirl10.

Slash (Sequel to Hunger of Old Mouths)

I loved Hunger of Old Mouths and I love this story too. It’s a big long fic, with plenty of development and sex that has purpose. Or at least sexual intent that has purpose. But it’s never dry or safe or easy. Where the sex pays the price and comes at a price and the connection between the two boys is more solid than before.

My favorite part is Dean holding Sam’s head under the water. Not that I liked him doing that but oh the TRUST there. And the sheer guts to DO it. On both their parts. And the fact that after, they come back together, just as they are (tough, not overly emotional), but changed.

I love this line:

“Anything you want or need, you should have,” Sam whispers carefully, mouth pressed to Dean’s temple and feeling the tension radiating off him in waves. “It goes both ways, Dean — I’m just as tangled up in you. You’re all I’ve ever known and taking that away won’t do anything but ruin me. It’s the only thing that could.”He tightens his fingers against Dean’s skull, gives him a rough kind of shake, then stands up and leaves the room before Dean has enough time to gather himself and kick his ass.

(Because…because…it’s about TIME someone should give their all for Dean, when he’s done it so many times…..and that whole giving thing. That’s love, Sam style.)

And this:

Dean has spent his entire life sweeping Sam aside, keeping him behind. One step further from even the vaguest of threats, and one step further also from Dean. Dean had stood guard, but had done it looking out at the world. He’d faced the darkness, and turned his back on the one thing that was his to nurture.Maybe not so different from their father after all, then.

(Which, is so true, it’s almost painful. It says a lot about John and his way of protecting. and now Dean finds himself doing the SAME thing.)

And THIS, which is perhaps the most profound and loving thing one person can say to another:

“I can see you,” Sam murmurs against his mouth, still trembling slightly. Dean doesn’t need to see Sam’s eyes to know what he means. He knows it has nothing to do with visiblity of flesh.“I know,” Dean says, without fear.
 

Little Black Book by jeyhawk.

Slash.

I’m in the mood, so this guilty pleasure gets posted. It’s not a story, it’s a scene, where while Dean is in the hospital, Sam finds a little book Dean keeps to record all his sexual encounters. Not as tawdry as it sounds, because to Sam, reading the book is finding out more about Dean. While I don’t believe that Dean would keep a record like this (too anal for him), I like the thought of the mystery of Dean unfolding itself before Sam’s eyes. And the fact that, sometimes, Dean does it for money so he can take care of Sam. It’s a sad little treat, quite easy on the eyes.

An excerpt:

“Sam doesn’t know what it means, but he supposes that is all right because he lost track of what they are doing and where they are going a long time ago. As long as there is him and Dean, the Impala, and the soft, hard warmth between them, he knows they’ll be okay no matter where the twisting road of life will take them next. He slides over on his back, letting Dean curl around him with his head on Sam’s chest without calling him a girl even once. He knows Dean needs this, just as he knows that Dean would never ask for it, and that any ribbing would leave him with a shot of Dean’s back as he moved to the other bed.”

Galatea’s Becoming by Gradiva.

Slash.

The boys encounter a modern day Pygmalion, where a statue brought to life for revenge keeps on killing those who fall in love with her. That’s the plot. What’s more fun is watching the boys fall in love with her, and jealousy ensues, and Sam, in particular, realizes that he needs to tie Dean to him in the very most fundamental way, so that when Dean is in hell, Sam will be able to find him.

Lovely story, low key, terrific analysis of Sam. Some great lines:

“hen he takes the keys from Dean, who is waiting impatiently outside the inn, and gets into the car, Sam clenches his hands around the steering wheel, breathing steadily. He needs to find a way to make sure Dean will remember Sam, will remember himself, until Sam can get to him.”

and

“Dean stares up at him, almost paralyzed at the revelation. Sam shakes his head, closes his eyes for a second in disbelief. After all this time, it’s still a contest between them, who loves more than the other, and Sam’s not allowed to win. In Dean’s head, Sam can never love Dean more than Dean loves Sam… it’s the axiom upon which hang the tatters of Dean’s soul.”

Fanfiction by Big Pink.

Gen.

I’ve read Read, Dazzleland, and Fire in the Hole, and found myself being AMAZED at the quality and craft of this writer’s fanfiction. Everything she does elevates what she does into the stratosphere, and if that sounds like an exaggeration, it is not. I’ve been reading fanfiction for a while now, and there’s lots and lots of good writers and fabbo fic, but Big Pink’s stuff, man. It had me stomping around the house for three days, mad as hell, because it was all so good and there was no way, NO way I could ever be that good.

So I have to content myself with telling everyone else how good she is, how clever and clear and intelligent and just plain on the money. The way she writes John fits more closely with my own idea of who John is than just  about any other writer out there. Like for example, don’t know which story it is in, but the boys and The Dad go to a diner and John grabs the menu and, I’m paraphrasing here, cause I don’t know the exact qutoe, and it reads, “He read the menu like he was examining the enemy’s battle plans.” Which just got to be because for John, everything is a battle, even breakfast.

I could quote her stuff, but then I’d be here all night. So just go read everything she’s got. She’s got a suggestion of the order in which you should read, but if you started with Red, you’d be okay. And impressed. And want to read everything else she’s got. Which she has in these nice little pdfs. The page loads a bit clunky, but that’s the internet for you. The more interesting it is, the slower it loads.

And the Highway Lines Pass By by philalethia

Slash.

31,000 words of pure slashy goodness, with a plot and everything. I think this is one of the stories I was looking for, with the whole eyelashes against the neck thing, but I read it so fast the second time, enjoying it so much, I really couldn’t find that bit. But I liked it anyway. It tells the story of two brothers, how they are different, how they are alike, and the writer, you can tell, has got a grip on what makes these characters tick. Unfortunately, this is also a “last year” story but ups the angst by miles and miles.  

 Some good lines:

“It was kind of hard to miss, honestly. Growing up and passing through small town after small town to and from hunts, and Sam always said things like, “It must be nice to live here,” in a tone like Dean used to say things like, “Look at the ass on that waitress.” It was never any secret that Sam jerked off fantasizing about walking down the block to the grocery store for milk and being greeted by name—his real one—and invited to bake sales and shit.”

and

“Dean’s seen so much of Sam and no one else lately he’s starting to get a little delirious over it. Sam split his knuckles on the Satanist kid’s nose and dripped blood on Dean’s jeans, which Dean picks at when Sam’s not looking just to watch the flakes get lodged under his nails, and Sam hasn’t showered for two days and the smell makes Dean dizzy and half-hard.

Yeah, Dean thinks, way too much Sam.”

and, I love this reference to “Heart.”

“If he tells Sam, Sam’ll insist that they hightail it to Chicago, and he’ll spend the whole drive on the phone with every person whose number is in his address book and who might know how to cure lycanthropy. He’ll tell himself and Dean that this time will be different, this time they’ll save the poor fucker who’s eating people every full moon. Sam’ll meet the werewolf, see a little bit of Madison in them, fall a little bit in love again with or without the fucking, and Dean will have to wipe the splatters of blood and tears off Sam’s face when he has to admit for the second time that you can’t save a werewolf.

Dean clears the internet history and closes out of the browser window. He’s breaking a rule, one of the biggest rules there is, one Dad taught them and made them swear they’d always follow: you don’t turn your back on a hunt, and sure as hell not for personal reasons. But this, this is different. You can turn your back if you know for certain you can’t handle it, if you’re damn sure it’ll take more than you’ve got.”

Now that, my friends, is love.

they put me in a cage full of lions; i learned to speak lion
 by amerella.

Gen.

I’ve often thought that the Winchester boys were exceptional children at risk. Smart, bright, but in an enviorment that could prove harmful to them, even as it made them tough. Like the title of this fic, if you put a child in a cage with lions, you get a child who can speak lion, who is lionlike. This fic, as well, is mostly Dean’s story, though you can see Sam, who likes to squeeze himself into small spaces, learning to speak lion as well.

The fic is more of  character exploration, with not plot, but it did have some nice images.  The part I liked best is when Dean, having fallen of his bike, waits for his dad to rescue him because he likes how his dad looks when he’s walking towards him, intent on rescue.

Unspoken by raina-at.

Slash.

Fun story. Sam and Dean are investigating a werewolf in the woods, but at night they are at each other, having sex,  and then sleeping really well afterwards. Sam wants to talk about it, Dean refuses to do so. What was really good was the sex in the silence, sex that isn’t romantic or even fun. It feels desperate and dark and edgy, which, given the taboos this particular act is crossing, seems perfectly right.

A good mix of angst and boys and skin and working a job. And some wonderful tension added when one night the lights go on and the boys have to confront what they are doing. Being Winchesters, of course, the confrontation involves running off into the night, arguments that have no solutions, and all the while this job has got to be worked.

“Releasing Dean’s arms, he spits into his hand and wraps it around Dean’s cock, strokes it quickly, roughly, lubricating it with saliva and the precome leaking from the tip. Slowly, holding on to whatever part of Dean he can get his hands on, he lowers himself on Dean’s cock, shuddering as mingled pleasure and pain split through his body, making him instantly aware of just what he’s doing, and in the next instant forcing everything out of his awareness that isn’t Dean’s hands on him, Dean’s cock inside of him, Dean’s panting breath under him. He’s tempted to turn on the light and see Dean’s face, see him stripped of all defences, willingly in Sam’s hands, at Sam’s pleasure and the source of it. Only he doesn’t, because he’s afraid to see what he always sees, the smooth mask in place, and he’s afraid of what Dean might see, Sam broken open to take out whatever he wants.”

Keep Going and The Truth About Lies by dodger_winslow.

Gen.

Dodger_winslow and I do not agree. I’ve never talked with her about it, I’m sure she doesn’t even know I exist. She wrote Keep Going shortly after A Very Supernatural Christmas aired, and wouldn’t you know it, she thinks that John was robbed because fans thought that he didn’t come home because he was too busy hunting or that he forgot or some other unfatherly thing. I agree with them and not with her. It’s the way John comes across, and you know Dean, in that ep, he’s not very surprised that The Dad is not there and neither is Sammy. But Dodger, she disagrees.

She wrote Keep Going to describe the scenario where The Dad gets into a car accident and can’t make it home because he simply can’t. Dodger wrote it to refute all those John haters, which, based on my review and my own privately held convictions, put me in that camp. Hate John? ME? Perish the thought. I adore him. He’s a great character. He is bursting with testosterone, and is boys adore him too. Sure, he’s not a great father, but I never gave much thought beyond looking at that MOUTH of his and imagining things that I probably shouldn’t.

Enter Dodger Winslow and her high-flying theories about fatherhood and brothers and…stuff. With these two stories, she hits the nail on the head that is uncomfortable for me. John is making bad decisions, for sure, but Dodger manages to find the justification behind them that makes sense to me. It makes me mad what the hell he’s up to, but in his mind, he loves his boys and is doing his best, he really is. He doesn’t understand Sammy at ALL, and understands Dean like the back of his hand and can you imagine how hard that must be not to love one son more than the other.

Dodger can just STOP with the Christmas stories aleady because I hate Christmas and bawled my eyes out reading this one.